


To The Ends Of The Earth (Would You Follow Me?)

by mouthfuloftoxic



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Eventual Fluff, Getting Back Together, M/M, Past Unhealthy Relationship, aka the circle of life lmfao, and adults being sad, baby dowoon, but its okay they're working on it, inconsistent updates because i am a bad person, soft boys being sad boys, teacher jae, teenagers being dumb, teeny tiny mention of self harm its like 1 sentence, wait i can write things longer than 700 words??? APPARENTLY
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 23:51:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15036017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouthfuloftoxic/pseuds/mouthfuloftoxic
Summary: Younghyun and Jae falling in and out of each other through a kaleidoscope of colors.





	To The Ends Of The Earth (Would You Follow Me?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zeroriro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeroriro/gifts).



> remember how at the end of if my heart was a house i said i was working on another angsty one? yeah this is it. 8 months, a huge extension of the plot and like 5 rewritings later, its finally somewhat here.
> 
> dedicated to my baby zero for listening to me whine about this fic for like 8 months or something now. can you believe it's actually becoming something? yeah me neither hAHA.
> 
> enjoy the comeback!!! the album sounds fantastic day6 can truly never disappoint.
> 
> title: ends of the earth by lord huron (good song, listen to it)

If you asked Jae what colour he thought he was, he’d say teal. Fluid, balanced between green and blue. Like the waves that crash down on glittering sand by home in Long Beach. The feathers of wild birds fluttering away in search of a new adventure. Always curious, seeking.

If you asked Younghyun what colour he thought Jae was, he would say a soft yellow. Like the buttercups that swept fields, free. Like the sun. So bright that it seeps through every crack, not a glare, too soft to be a glare. No, it instead brings a feeling of comfort, serenity.

If you asked Younghyun what colour he thought he was, he would say a dark maroon. Smudging the lipstick of someone you shouldn’t have kissed. Rich, dark wine. Dark enough that one should fear it, but so enticing that it cannot be resisted.

If you asked Jae was colour he thought Younghyun was, he would say black.

 

They start shaky, unbalanced. Teal and maroon thrown together to create a murky brown. Neither of them consider the consequences, dive in head first.

Their meeting was mundane in every way, a bar, a gig, an exchange of greetings. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. That is until Jae found himself a few hours later with lips and teeth travelling down the column of his throat, pressed flush against the wall of a bedroom that wasn’t his, brain flooded with _purplepurplepurple_.

That was how their endless cycle had started, swirls of teal, smears of maroon. The brown inconsistent larger splashes of teal constantly taking over. An inconsistent color,

✖

Younghyun was never around until the last hours of the day, in the first few rays of sunrise, Jae sometimes found himself wondering if he even existed.

The toxic progression of being in love with a ghost started to hollow him out. His eyes sunk in, skin almost impossibly pale from the rare sun grazing it.

It was only when he was being blinded by bright lights, the buzz in his veins already making his head hurt, eyes desperately seeking for leather jackets and purple hair, that he started to _feel_.

A bruising grip on his hips, long fingers yanking at his hair, head light from the lack of oxygen, lips meeting in breathless kisses because it wasn’t _enough_.

Jae’s heart thundered under Younghyun’s palm, Younghyun soft lips pressed against his collarbones balanced out the desperate way they moved against each other like the other was the only salvation, and Jae finally, _finally_ started to feel alive.

It was unmistakably an addiction. Jae clutched onto the memories of Younghyun like they were his saving grace, put them on the highest possible pedestal and savoured the small slivers of a humanity he had spent copious hours coaxing out of him.

Now, it was all he had left of him.

✖

 

It wasn’t always like that. The forests worth of distance that lay between them was only a recent development.

Maybe that’s why Jae was so obsessed with the boy, Younghyun was an impossible puzzle, constantly turning and changing. The challenge thrilled Jae, urged him to push harder, seek deeper, try and understand what went on in every little nook and cranny in Younghyun’s head.

But, thrill seeking only lasted for so long, and Jae found himself starting to grow tired. Craved the days when Younghyun would let him stay for coffee and mindless chatter, missed the light touches and short bursts of laughter. He missed the days when the connection between them felt like a livewire, when Younghyun felt like an _actual person_.

Not that it mattered anymore, because three and a half months into their little chase, Younghyun had picked up and disappeared without a trace.

(The scene: blood red. The color that Jae sees when anger overtakes him, directed more towards himself than Younghyun. The color of his skin when he later takes a burning shower to try and scrubs his skin raw hoping to forget how Younghyun’s skin felt on his.)

✖

Jae got over it. As much as he could, at least. It was much easier to let go of an addiction when he had no way of getting a hold of it. It hurt, hurt like hell. Jae had enough marks on his thighs and emergency hospital visit reports to remind him.

But he let go. Picked his guitar back up (wrote an entire lifetime’s worth of songs about Younghyun), talked to his friends more often, played soft music to random dogs in parks where he went for walks in his free time, changed and finished his degree, saw his family regularly. Piece by piece he put himself back together.

(Jae felt lilac. Acceptance, recovery - self care.)

That’s the thing about obsessions, isn’t it? Eventually, they have to be let go.

Except they never really leave you. Every once in a while, they’ll plant themselves right back in your life like they had never left in the first place, remind you of your weaknesses, your lowest moments in which you lacked any control.

Remind you that you let yourself reach the level of obsession.

(Jae tries to scrape away the growing dots of maroon in his serene lilac before they can mix into it, take him back to being consumed by the dark, he fails.)

✖

It’s years later when Jae sees Younghyun again, more precisely, sees his _name_. The school had just gotten new shipments of books, it was always Jae’s favorite time of the year. There was nothing quite like the excitement shining in the eyes of the kids as they eagerly anticipated the unfolding of a new story.

Jae sat, flipping through the pages of the new books admiring the pretty drawings long after the kids had gone home. He notices when he finally gets to the last page, “Illustrated by Kang Younghyun”. It takes a few seconds for it to register, then his heartbeat speeds up. The logical part of Jae realizes that there are many more ‘Kang Younghyun’s in this world and there is a very slim chance that the illustrator was the same Kang Younghyun as the one he had yet to stop thinking about.

But, of course, that doesn’t stop his brain from going into overdrive and his breathing from becoming shallow. He frantically searches for an “About the Illustrator” page or anything that has some sort of a picture, _something_ to tell Jae that this isn’t how he comes back into his life.

Except, three books in when he finally finds the about page he was looking for, he realizes that he truly never knew Younghyun at all. The Younghyun he thought he knew protected his bass like it was his lifeline, had notes to his favorite songs inked into his skin, _didn’t draw_. But there’s no doubt it’s him in the picture, his hair is a different color, his smile is wide and unabashed, a smile Jae hasn’t seen in a long time, but it’s him.

And then, Jae realizes, the most prominent thought in his head is _good for him_. Because somehow, even after all this time, Jae hopes for Younghyun’s happiness.

~~_Even if Jae isn’t the one being the cause._ ~~

✖

It brews inside Jae’s mind. He tries to be happy for him and forget about it, but he thinks and he thinks until he’s unlocked the little safe in his mind that sealed away Younghyun. The memories flood Jae and he can feel himself drowning in Younghyun again, but doesn’t have the power to stop it.  

Jae is visibly shaken up when Jamie finds him. Completely dazed out still sitting at his desk against the window far after school had finished. The lack of emotion in her friend is what makes her decide to drop her plans, grab him by the hand before he can protest, and drag him out of there determined to never let him fall back into what it took them so long to drag him out of.

Clubs aren’t Jae’s favorite place. While they used to be somewhat of a safe haven for him just a few years ago. Jae loved the music blaring in his ears, the lights revealing only glimpses of happenings, he enjoyed the thrill of the mystery. Now, they held too many memories of Younghyun.

Jamie is trying to yell something to him over the deafening music, but he’s already too distracted. The music is too loud, the lights too bright. The thumping bass shakes the ground underneath his feet. He needs a drink.

He’s two drinks in, not enough, but less agitated than when he got here. The lights are vivid flashes of pinks and blues creating an almost galaxy like atmosphere, Jae feels like he’s floating through space.

The floaty feeling is what carries him to the dance floor. People press against him from every side, the softness of skin, rings and nails sliding across his back and arms. He revels in the chaos for a moment. Sinks into the comfort.

It’s short lived, like most good things are when it comes to Jae. He scans the area for Jimin’s tiny form, instead, his eyes land on a figure leaning against the wall, purple hair, leather jacket.

The logical part of him argues that _it can't be him_. he’d seen the picture of Younghyun in the book, his hair is blonde now. The memories assault his senses anyway: lights, lips on lips, teeth on skin. Jae finds himself weaving out of the crowd straight out the back door into the cold night.

(The mood: charcoal grey; regret)

✖

The kids are dressed in their outfits, only one fake stethoscope has been harmed so far, Jae considers it a win. The parents would start coming in about thirty minutes and he had to make sure everything was ready for all of the activities that would take up the day.

The kids always love occupation day, likely because they got to dress up and brag about how their parents were the coolest. Jae was nervous about the awkward mingling with the parents that were coming to speak, the only thing reassuring him was Jamie being there. The girl could befriend anyone with her adorable appearance and hilarious icebreakers, Jae thanked every god he could think of for letting them work together.

There were supposed to nine parents talking to the entire class about their jobs and why they do what they do. Jae had yet to see the list, he’d been too caught up with making sure the kids didn’t break all the fun new stuff they had free reign to.

He could see some parents already starting to come in the school from the window. He straightened himself up and put on his best teacher smile as the first few parents started to come in.

Soon enough, it was time for the first parent to start presenting. A man named Taehyun went up to start talking about his job as a photographer. His daughter, Yuna, bounced in her seat, eyes sparkling with pride for her father. The sight made Jae’s heart melt just a little.

A few more parents went up, they were about to start the fifth presentation when the classroom door burst open and a disheveled man entered. Jae turned around to greet the parent, but upon seeing him, the words died in Jae’s throat. Because entering the classroom panting was the last man Jae expected to see in his school. Everybody in the class turns towards the sudden noise causing the man to give them a guilty smile and silently mouth “sorry” but Jae doesn’t process any of that because he’s too busy trying to understand what wrong he has done to the world for him to be standing in front of the man he hoped to never have to lay eyes on again. _Kang motherfucking Younghyun_.

Jae was flat out staring at this point, a blazer hugged his shoulders and his hair color was different, _again_ , but it was him. No doubt about it.

The shock on his face must have been blatantly obvious. He Jae’s brain urged him to react in some way, something other than gaping at his face. He didn’t need to though, because from behind him a smaller voice shrieks “Daddy!”

Younghyun’s nervous smile becomes a full-blown grin, dimples and all, as he reaches down to pick up the little excited bundle running towards him. Jae’s brain finally starts to click things into place. The boy in Younghyun’s arms, Dowoon, had transferred only a few weeks ago. He wasn’t initially in Jae’s class but had been transferred as his teacher was struggling to coax him into interacting in class. Jae was an expert with working with kids like Dowoon, shy and soft voiced, but witty and clever.

Jae was still trying to piece together what the hell was happening as he watched Younghyun softly smile at Dowoon, his hand tiny on Younghyun’s much larger palm.

~~_His hands were always so warm. Soft, a little smaller than Jae’s, and always so, so warm. Perfect._ ~~

 

Jae doesn’t talk to him throughout the entire day. Doesn’t even make eye contact. Every time they are given time to socialize, he pulls a barely believable excuse out of thin air and dashes off to the first empty place he can find.

He’s being a coward, he _knows_ he’s being a coward. But he also knows that he’s still head over fucking heels for Younghyun no matter how much he wants to pretend otherwise. Younghyun is an incurable disease, no matter how hard Jae fights, no matter how much he believes he’s gotten him out of his system, Younghyun stays. Stays as the light at the end of the tunnel, as the little voice inside Jae’s mind, as home.

It doesn’t matter though, doesn’t matter that Jae is still pathetically clinging to the last few memories of Younghyun’s skin and his sparkling eyes, because: he has a son. _A fucking child_.

Jae may be a coward, but he refused to be a homewrecker.

✖

In the end, it turns out Jae’s disappearing act was about as obvious as it had felt. His many attempts to ignore Younghyun and make sure he didn’t see him hadn’t worked as well as he had hoped they would.

On Jae’s table sits a star shaped, fluorescent blue sticky note. It’s one from the piles that sit on Jae’s desk. ~~_Of course Younghyun picked his favorite one_ ~~ ~~.~~  He’s glaring at the sticky note, hoping that if he glares at it long enough, lasers may shoot out of his eyes and turn the pretty blue paper into ashes.

The message in Younghyun’s infuriatingly beautiful handwriting taunts him. “Been a while, hyung. You look good, let’s meet.” Jae isn’t drunk enough to try and analyze what the last part means, he almost doesn’t want to know. _He can't build his hopes up for them to get crush by the same damn person again._

He left his number on the bottom. _His fucking number_. A bitter, greyish violet, part of Jae’s brain reminds him that Younghyun refused to give him even that a few years back.

Jae’s angry. In fact, he’s livid. His hands are shaking, heartbeat erratic, vision unfocused. The burning red of rage back mixed with the purple that always seems to consume him every time he thinks of Younghyun. He feels his body drop down on the chair behind him without making the conscious decision to do so. The classroom door opens, he sees someone walk in out of the corner of him eye, doesn’t move. Jamie is in front of him within seconds asking him if he’s alright.

Jae doesn’t know how to tell her. Doesn’t know how to make her understand the hurricane going on his mind. The anger, guilt, pain wracking his body.

Doesn’t know how to explain to her the fear of knowing that his heart still belonged to the man who ripped it to shreds.

✖

Jae goes back to the club that night, hopes to find leather jackets and purple hair, or even blazers and dark hair. Slanted, sparkling eyes and a dangly silver earring. _Anything_. He goes home disappointed, but somewhat relieved that the first time he’d speak to Younghyun after all these years wouldn’t be with him severely intoxicated.

(The scene: seafoam green swirled with a dark amethyst; bitter but begrudgingly hopeful.)

**Author's Note:**

> [the reason why i wrote this in the first place](https://scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/aa80e91487ce7a96a062314bf7594fb9/5BB30F3F/t51.2885-15/e35/17493881_1908328889412027_4847319546467450880_n.jpg?se=7&ig_cache_key=MTQ3ODM5ODY1Mjk3NTI5MzI4Mg%3D%3D.2)
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for reading this mess!! i promise to try and finish this asap, there will likely be two more parts just cause its gotten so fuckening long. more baby dowoon coming shortly (just because i want to write baby dowoon he's so cute i love him).
> 
> [tumblr](http://jaelicious.tumblr.com/) [twitter](https://twitter.com/mouthfuloftoxic) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mouthfuloftoxic)


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